I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
