I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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