I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
