You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
