I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
