i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
