You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
