he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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