8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
