The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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