I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
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no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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