don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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