What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
