halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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