so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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