I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize