Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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