Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
