how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
