I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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