He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
