why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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