Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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