All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
