did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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