i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
