she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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