I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
