dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
