that's an acceptable place to lick
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
