i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
