glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
