Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
