I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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