I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
