Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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