Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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