Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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