im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
