i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
