I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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