My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
