didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
