Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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