I hate your face
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I want her autograph on my taint
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
