I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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