Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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