i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
