why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
