the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My penis needs a shock collar
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
