so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
