dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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