the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
