i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
