What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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