im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
