Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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