I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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