They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
