Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
