I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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