Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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