I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
