i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
