i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
