I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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