Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
