We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
