i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
