Dual....:-)
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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