She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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