U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
