i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
