WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
