My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
