Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
