it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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