First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
