i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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