does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
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Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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