I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
